“They’re the same, but I’m changed. I’m inhuman now. Untethered. While they walk across the campus, earthbound and ordinary, I soar, trailing a maple red comet tail. I’m no longer myself, I am no one. I am a red balloon caught in the boughs of a tree. I am nothing at all”
The cover of this book and the supposed dark narrative were what initially piqued my interest. And as I began reading it, the protagonist reminded me a bit of myself that I was quick to fall into the traps of these pages. In her debut novel, Kate Elizabeth Russell writes the story of Vanessa Wye, a timorous, confused teenager that is sexually assaulted by her 42 year old teacher. Fast-paced and intriguing, the book oscillates between 2000 and 2017. The former explores the chief character as she experiences the incident, her teenage mind almost romanticizing the circumstances while the latter takes a look into the ramifications of the incident.
A few chapters into the book, the pages were gripping enough that it kept me going but I wasn’t prepared for how ghastly it got. There were parts of it where I had to put down the book so I could process what I had just read. No sooner than that, I would open it back up because I was curious what happened next. What troubled me was how the book made the abuse seem erotic. And even as I understood that it’s the author merely exploring the psychology of a fifteen year old, I still grappled with parts of the prose with the sex/rape scenes.
Vanessa is a deeply developed character. Right from the beginning, the author in subtle ways, helps the reader understand how she is torn between reality and her delusions. The delusions that she has created around herself to fathom and accept her situation. The lies she tells herself to stay in control of what she is going through. All in all, the author has done a beautiful job of pulling at the emotional strings of the reader so they stay connected to the protagonist throughout the book. And I loved that the author had seamlessly suggested at the naivety and innocence of her character without having to strongly imply it.
The book is engrossing, and even though parts of it can get slow, the writing style definitely doesn’t let you get too bored. It is one I would definitely recommend – aside from it being an excellent read, it also casts light on the perspectives of young women like Vanessa. It reminds you that what is seemingly so ‘black and white’, is in fact, nothing but.